Trump Supporters Looking For A Side Of Love
“I am not a monster,” said every monster ever.
The Serious Journalists of the Both Sides Do It variety know that in the past two weeks, with the avalanche of news of baby jails, baby torture, ICE and Border Patrol straight up disappearing migrant girls, children crying for their mom and dad, fascist goons making fun of children crying for their mom and dad, and more baby torture, the question you’ve really been asking yourself is “But can the best and the brightest among those fascist goons even get laid in the liberal hellhole that is the District of Columbia?”
Take heart, — Serious Journalists of the Both Sides Do It variety have got you covered.
This week, Politico ran a whimsical variation of the Cletus Safari, exploring the amorous trials and tribulations of millenials working for the Trump administration in DC. It will not surprise you that things are tough for the MAGA demographic in the part of the country where they are slightly less popular than necrotizing fasciitis.
I am not going to summarize the article — go and read it for the much-needed dose of schadenfreude — but I do want to focus on this:
When being vague doesn’t cut it, staffers can always straight-up lie, as one young administration official learned to do while working out of New York during the campaign. “I told people I was an auditor down on Wall Street, and people just stopped asking me questions after that,” he recalls. When it comes to disclosing their affiliation with Trump, no ground is more fraught than courtship.
Let’s emphasize: Trump supporters lie to their dates to get them into bed. They lie about something that’s crucial to those dates’ decision on whether or not to get intimate, something that if those dates knew, would be an absolute deal-breaker.
Rape-by-fraud is on the books in only a handful of jurisdictions, and as far as I can tell, DC isn’t one of them. Even if DC had a law like that, I doubt lying about one’s political affiliation would qualify. Still, imagine, for instance, finding out that your new lover is a neo-Nazi who deliberately misled you about what he really is — and you are from a family of Holocaust survivors. I don’t know about you, but I think most people in such a situation would feel violated. It is astounding that these DC Trumpers reveal tricking people into sex, and even relationships, and expect the public to feel sorry for them; the authors of the article appear to share this attitude. This is remarkable, given that while what these DC Trumpers are doing is technically not illegal, this shit skates pretty fucking close to sexual assault. Remarkable, and yet, not surprising in light of everything we know about these people.
It gets worse, though.
Young staffers have had to develop a keen sense of just when to have “The Talk” with romantic partners. “I’ve still been able to hook up with women,” says a male former White House staffer. “But I know that I need to be careful about broaching the Trump stuff. I just know that going in, I need to be able to get it out at the right time and not get it out too early to the point where it’s like, ‘Hey, I worked for Trump, you should stop talking to me,’ but late enough in that eventually they know that there is this information floating out there that I worked for this guy and hopefully you have now seen that I’m not a horrible person and we can go further with this.”
So, not only do Trumpers lie to people to get laid, they make it worse with nakedly egotistical and ongoing emotional manipulation. And again, this is presented as a reason to sympathize with the Trump supporters. Mind games are hard work!
I wonder how the aforementioned “male former White House staffer” reveals his true self to a woman, once he feels he’s put in a long enough performance as a Not Horrible Person. Does he break out his “Fuck Your Feelings” t-shirt? Does he say “womp womp”? Does he call her a “snowflake”? Does he use the fact that she cares about him — feelings that he cultivated through deception — to bully her into conceding that he is “not a horrible person”, all while trivializing her values and disrespecting her boundaries?
Far from inspiring sympathy, this revelation about the MAGA horde infesting DC offers three takeaways:
- It illustrates precisely why normal people find Trump supporters loathsome.
- It illustrates precisely why normal people don’t want to have sex with Trump supporters in the first place.
- It does nothing to dispel the notion that Trump supporters are pathological liars with no values, and not the slightest fucking clue as to what makes a person “not horrible”.
In conclusion and in summary, liberals are mean, this is why Trump won, both sides do it, etc.